“I am not ashamed. I am not ashamed. I’m so sick of keeping these words contained. I am not ashamed.” – Leyla Josephine
Leyla publicly shared her story about abortion, so I thought I would publicly share my thoughts with her. I hope these words are received with the grace they are intended to convey. If you have not seen her video, you can view it here, but be warned there are a few expletives in her presentation.
I recently watched your “I Think She Was a She” poem and think you are a gifted spoken word artist. I have several friends who do spoken word poetry and I’d encourage you to check out this poem by Blair Linne whom I trust you’ll agree is gifted as well.
Having these kinds of discussions publicly is a challenge. They are much better done over coffee with people you know and trust, but since you have chosen all to hear you, I assume it is acceptable to reply in this way. I’ve laid out a few questions for you to ponder and my wife and I are happy to discuss them with you if you would be willing.
Why did you share your story?
You say “this is my story and it won’t be written in pencil and erased with guilt. It will be written in pen and spoken with courage.”
We all have a story to tell and I think you are a skillful storyteller. You have a unique ability to use words that draw listeners into your pain, your confidence, and your ideas.
Have you considered why you want to tell your story? I’m not talking about your desire to encourage women to feel unashamed for decisions they make. I’m referring to reason behind that reason.
In your poem, you mention life being “His-story.” I’m not sure if you are making a reference to God or to man-centered history, but I would suggest that God is the reason you want to tell your story. In the Bible, we see that God is the great Storyteller and our lives are all part of that story.
God tell us that we are each made in His image. This truth is reflected in your passion to communicate your story to others. The Bible also says that all of our stories are filled with pain and suffering because of our turning away from God. That’s why life is so difficult and despairing at times.
The story of the Bible also calls us to look up from our suffering and see that God came into the world to liberate us through His Son, Jesus. Jesus is the great rescuer of rebels like us. He died on a cross and rose from the dead and will soon return to receive those who love Him.
Lelya, have you ever considered that God’s story is what gives your story, and my story, meaning? You said that if your daughter were here “she would have wondered about all the things that came before.” What a wonderful thing to ponder!
If you have never read the story of Jesus, I would encourage you to. In it you will find answers to that question and many more. I suspect you might be amazed at God’s story of love in the Bible.
What does it mean to be a woman?
I am not a woman, but I am married to a woman and have two young daughters. As a pastor, I also help give guidance to many women who desire to know who God made them to be. Because of this, I was perplexed by what you said about being a woman.
You said “This is my body. I don’t care about your ignorant views. When I become a mother, it will be when I choose.” Is being a woman really about having a right to choose what you want to do with your body?
Leyla, I do think you have rights over your body. You should be able to say “no” when you don’t want someone to touch your body or “yes” when you want them to. But this isn’t just a woman’s issue. It is a human issue. My sons have the right to tell someone “no” and “yes” just as much as my daughters do.
But the question that I have been wrestling with from your video is, do you really want to communicate to the world that being a woman means you have the freedom to use your body to do whatever you want, including taking the life of your daughter?
Leyla, this is the heart of your message. You say “I am woman now. I will not be tamed.” Do you really think that the supreme expression of being a woman is the freedom to use your body to stop the development of your daughter’s body?
Doesn’t being a woman of “courage” mean that you will accept responsibility of your actions for the good of others? Shouldn’t liberated women own their right and responsibility to use their bodies to love, protect, and care for others?
I certainly hope you don’t think that being a woman means that you are free to do anything you want, including sacrificing your child on the alter of your convenience. Saying to your daughter that I’m sorry I had to end your life, but you “came at the wrong time” does not sound like liberation toward love. Please don’t buy the lie that being a woman is about freedom to kill others. That isn’t what it means to be a woman, or a man.
Why not mutter murder on you?
“Don’t you mutter murder on me,” you requested.
Why would you not call what you did murder?
You said, “I had to carve down that little cherry tree that had rooted itself in my blood and blossomed in my brain. A responsibility I didn’t have the energy or age to maintain. The branches casting shadows over the rest of the garden.”
Is not a tree that has been planted and is blossoming alive?
What happens when you chop down that tree?
She had roots in your womb. She was blossoming. She was looking for you to maintain her. You said, “she could have been born.”
Please hear your own words.
Did you not stop a life from continuing?
What do you call that if you do not call it murder?
I do not ask you all these questions to paint you into a corner, but to urge you to step into the light and see what you have done. When someone stops another’s life, it is murder.
I do not share these weighty words with you as some self-righteous bystander screaming from the sidelines. I share them with you as a fellow human who also misused my right to choose. I too took the life of my own child. If you care to hear about my story, you can read more about it here.
Do you know the story of hope for people like you and me?
Leyla, I do not write these words to heap condemnation on you. Rather, I write them to point you to the story of hope about Jesus.
You said “I would have supported her right to choose. To choose a life for herself, a path for herself. I would have died for that right, just like she died for mine. I’m sorry but you came at the wrong time.”
The good news found in the Bible is that Jesus gave up His rights as God’s Son to come and lovingly surrender His rights to life so that we might have the “right to become children of God” when we believe in Him (John 1:12). The Bible says He came at “just the right time” to take our judgment on the cross and rise from the dead to now extend forgiveness and healing for all who will come to Him (Romans 5:6).
Jesus’ story is the story that gives your story and my story and every other person’s story hope. Leyla, God will forgive you for what you have done if you will draw near to Jesus in faith (Romans 10:9-13; 1 John 1:8-9). He will give you a new heart that loves Him and loves others.
So pray to God. Tell Him what you’ve done. Tell him you hardened your heart against your daughter. Tell Him you chopped her down. Tell Him you have called others to not feel guilt in doing the same kind of thing. Please, cry out and tell Him.
God will hear you if you truly seek Him (Jeremiah 29:13). This good news will give you something that you can truly be unashamed of because “it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes” (Romans 1:16).
Leyla, my hope for you is the same hope that I have for myself—that you will become unashamed of God who desires to give you new life. If you do turn from your sin and walk in that new life, you will begin a new chapter in your story. He will transform your story from being one that unashamedly takes life to one who unashamedly receives life and forgiveness from Him.
Please consider these words. My wife and I are happy to speak with you off line if you are willing.