In a recent post, Tim Challies shared a few practical ways adult children can honor their parents. One of his suggestions was to esteem your parents privately and publicly. So, I’ve shared the following with them in private, and now, with their permission, I share it with you in public. Thank you for taking a moment to read, I pray the lessons bless you as they’ve blessed me.
Mom and Dad-
The Bible says to “honor your mother and father” (Exodus 20:12). I know I haven’t always done this well, but I trust you both know how much I love you. As my years increase, I have given more thought to ways God has used you to shape me into the man I am today. I could list many things, but I’d like to share one for each of you and then one for the both of you.
Mom, you taught me how to make a house a home.
From what I can remember, I lived in seven different houses growing up. But no matter where the house was, it was always home. You made sure of that. I don’t remember fancy decorations or eccentric decor. But I do remember a warmth that withstood the winters of life.
Home was a refuge for me. In my early years I was picked on and ostracized quite a bit, but home was always a safe place. I never felt the need to run away. I never feared coming home. I don’t remember there being stress, though I’m sure it was present.
Holidays were fun. I don’t know if we received many gifts, but I know what was given, was done so in love. Meals were faithfully prepared for us. Encouraging words occupied the air. You wanted us to have wonderful memories, and my mind is filled with them.
But our house wasn’t just a home for our family, it was a home for others. Our door revolved so much I’m surprised we didn’t have to replace the hinges. People called you “mom,” because you were one to so many. People loved you because you made them feel like part of the family, even if it was their first visit. You made enough food for visitors and always let people stay over if they were in trouble.
This hospitality marks our family today. Carrie and I have had people live with us nearly every month since we’ve been married. Our dinner table is often graced by friendly faces. The Lord uses your example from my childhood to help our family do this well. I love you mom.
Dad, you taught me to work hard and to work with hope.
Laziness was not permitted in our family. You knew that we only have one life and that if we wanted to get anything out of it, we needed to work hard. Whether you were starting a new business, turning someone else’s around, or dreaming of what might be next—you showed me what it means to work with diligence.
When set backs came, your resilience shined. When others would have quit, you smiled and said, “there must be another way.” You worked hard because you wanted to do well, but also because you wanted to do well for us. You wanted our family to have what we needed. And thanks be to God, we always did.
You challenged me to begin working young and save money. When I was twelve, you loaned me cash to buy a lawnmower. You helped me get jobs and helped me improve when I got fired. You never let me say, “I can’t” without exhausting every conceivable way forward. You never let me quit a team. You weren’t a drill sergeant, but you were a firm and fatherly leader. You encouraged me, and pushed me to be excellent, and never to do things “half-hearted.”
This marks me today. God has taken your example and set it apart for Himself. He often brings your words to mind and I believe He will use your lessons to help me be a more faithful servant with what He has entrusted me.
And though you worked hard, you also worked hard to be present. For as many hours as you labored, I never remember you being absent. I remember fishing trips and walks with the dogs. I remember you being home at night and wrestling with me when I was younger. I remember you and mom being at every single one of my games, no matter what.
This too has marked me, though I often feel I fall far short. Thank you for pushing me to be man who works hard, yet doesn’t forget why he is doing it. You have forever shaped me dad, and I love you for it.
Mom and dad, you’ve stayed married through the good days and bad.
In God’s wisdom, He brought you together many moons ago. You were young, in love, and according to your stories, probably still a little stoned. You scrapped together what you needed, but it didn’t matter what you had, because you had each other.
As the days passed, God blessed you with a couple of awesome kids. Your tribe increased, and so did your joy. As I remember, you were wonderful parents. Our house was filled with laughter. We ate most meals together. We always had food, even when times were tough.
I remember dad stealing a kiss from mom any time he could. He always told her how beautiful she was. The affection you guys showed each other taught me how a husband and wife should love one another. Our kids see this today in the way Carrie and I love each other. Thank you for that.
I remember our family going to church together nearly every week (even though I only went for the girls). I remember mom singing the Old Rugged Cross and reciting Psalm 23 and the Lord’s prayer while I snuggled in her lap. I remember our beach trips to the Outer Banks, and road trips to grandma’s house.
You partnered together to encourage me in playing sports and doing my homework. I remember dad doing all he could to provide for our family, and mom steadily working at the hospital. You were a good team together, and I praise God I got to see it.
But not everything was easy. Broken bones, burned homes, car accidents, and nearly empty bank accounts put pressure on your bond that would have caused many others to break. Though you were cracked at times, you did not give way. Only you know the depth of your private pains and disappointments. There are some scars that only heaven will heal.
But as I have watched you persevere, I have learned what love is. You didn’t have a perfect marriage, no one does. But you have had a lasting one. And that’s saying a lot. God has brought to my mind, more times than I can count, the fact that love doesn’t quit.
Mom didn’t quit on dad.
Dad didn’t quit on mom.
You didn’t quit on each other.
Kells don’t quit.
We fight and pray and persevere by the grace of God. And that has marked me. And I have great hope it will mark generations of Kells to come.
You have blessed me more than you know. And I trust someday you will see when Jesus shows you.
I am forever thankful to call you my parents.
I love you both.
With eternal gratitude,